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Dais jokes

You know if you poo on the toilet at 11:59 PM...

Then at 12:01 AM, it's just the same shit, different day...

The other day I started watching Game of Thrones.

I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, murder, decapitation, gore, sex, gay sex, midget sex, prostitution, rape, paedophilia, incest, and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh, so you're still on the first episode then?"

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    • One day, the fat kid came up to me and asked me, "What's cracking?" The floorboards, you idiot. You're causing a 9.7 Richter scale earthquake and asking ME what's cracking. It would be best if you looked down for a second.

    Teacher: What is your least favorite holiday?

    Orphan: National Forgive Your Mom And Dad Day.

    Teacher: Why is that your least favorite?

    Orphan: Because I don't have any parents to forgive.

    Teacher: *tries to hold back* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    One day I seen a little boy walking in the grocery store, so I asked if he was okay, and he said yes. I asked where his parents were, and he said his mom died years ago and his dad is stuck in the milk aisle.

    On a winter day many play.

    Some with snow, and I with ice Used as a device to slice Somehow I'm colder now.

    One day, I was walking through a park when I realized it was crowded.

    To this day, I still don't know who let the children out of my basement.

    One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

    One day, I was sitting on my couch watching YouTube when I heard a knock on the door. I opened the door, and to my surprise, it was my dad. I haven't seen him in 16 years, so I let him in. I noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand, and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge.

    Then he walked towards me and said, "Oh no! I forgot the cereal!" Then he walked out the door and drove away. I never saw him again.

    One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor's kid laying face-first in the grass, not breathing.

    Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor's big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little Johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone.

    Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, "I'm sorry to hear that your child has gone missing."

    In Africa, it doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, or bisexual.

    At the end of the day, it's night.

    One rainy day a NASCAR race was going on and they had no other choice but to use this bitch's forehead. https://sportsrecruits.com/athlete/morgan_tomporowski

    If I saw a homosexual or transsexual man do so much as TOUCH my child, he would be dead, zombified, and castrated by the end of the day.

    Protect your young'uns from these degenerate freaks and live off the grid so they have no bearing on your life.

    Jack and Molly are sitting in school one day. Molly is asleep when the teacher asks her a question, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

    Jack sees Molly is sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.

    “Jesus Christ almighty!” shouts Molly.

    “Correct,” says the teacher.

    The next day the teacher asks, “Molly, who created Heaven and Earth?”

    Molly is again asleep and is poked by Jack’s pencil.

    “Jesus Christ almighty!” she shouts.

    “Correct again,” says the teacher.

    The next day, for a 3rd time, Molly is asleep.

    This time the teacher asks her, “What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?”

    Jack pokes Molly with the pencil again, and this time Molly screams “If you stick that thing in me one more time I’m going to crack it in half!”

    The teacher fainted.