Corpses jokes

How are corpses like pools?

Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.

if a toy from Toy Story died, the kid wouldn't know, and the other toys would just have to watch as their kid played with the corpse.

What’s the worst thing to do at a funeral?

The corpse.

A man is walking on a bridge and sees a lady over the railing.

Man: "Ah, suicidal eh? Are you gonna jump?" Lady: "Yep. I hate this world." Man: "Well, if you're gonna die, can we have sex before you jump?" Lady: "Hell no! You creep!" Man: "Ok, fine. I guess I'll just wait until your corpse washes onto the shore."

The good thing about dead baby jokes is that they never get old.

What game do zombies like to play?

Corpse and Robbers.

I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?

Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!

What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.

How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?

He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.

A student was peeking in on a 10/10 chick, and the guy was about to nut.

The school shooter patted his back and told him to leave his corpses alone.

Corpses aren’t funny—they’re dead serious.

They asked me to speak at this funeral, and I said, "Of corpse!"

Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?

None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.

Can I pin your corpse to a tree?

Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"

Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."

What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?

One of them has someone to mourn them.

I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.

Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡

What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?

The corpse.

What's white as snow within 15-25 mins after death and then black and blue and red all over?

A corpse, of course!