Corpses jokes

Can I pin your corpse to a tree?

Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.

What's the difference between fruit and a freshly killed corpse?

I don't eat the fruit.

How are corpses like pools?

Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.

What’s the difference between a pile of corpses and a Mclaren P1?

I don’t have a garage.

What game do zombies like to play?

Corpse and Robbers.

Johnny had 55 pineapples. He threw three at his friend. How many does he have now?

None, because he was pistol whipped then shot at point blank range with a sawed off shotgun covered in fluoroantimonic acid which burned a hole in his skull causing his brain to melt and rupture nerve cells all over his friends. Then his arms and legs were stuffed into a wheat thresher which was used to harvest the meat of the enslaved children. Then his corpse was molested.

Noose: "Hey man, wanna hang out?"

Corpse: "Sorry man, I'm dead inside."

What's the difference between an orphan and a corpse?

One of them has someone to mourn them.

I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?

Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!

What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?

You don’t need consent.

Conservatives when they hear about “liberal arts:” 👊😡

Liberals when they find out about forest conservation: 😩👐

Progressives when they see a reaction video: 🤬

Reactionaries when a Progressive ad comes on (Flo is annoying): 😱

Anticoms realizing they are a part of a “community:” *seizure*

Anticaps when they have to Capitalize Their Words: 😤

Anti-monarchists when they pass a Burger King: 🫨

Antisocs when they are told to “socialize:” 🫠

Corporatists when they see a corpse: 🤤

Antifash when they spot a fashion show: 🤮

Classical liberals when the TV shows Family Feud: 😑🔫

Extremists when they are told to shoot “dead center” (they have bad aim): 😠🖕

When you're banging the class slut and the school shooter says to leave his corpses alone.

A necrophiliac woman goes over to her friend's house after hooking up.

"Was it hung?" her friend asks.

"No, he was shot."

What's the difference between me and a corpse? I mean, I'm not dead... yet, right?

What's worse than getting raped in a cemetery? Finding someone else's semen in your mom's corpse.

What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?

The corpse.

When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.

Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡