Continuity Jokes

chazz
in Little Johnny

little johnny got detention because when he was walking to lunch he saw a bowl of apples and there was a note on it and it said take 1 god is watching. He continues walking and sees a bowl of cookies that said take 1 please so little johnny made his own note and he wrote take as many cookies as you want god is watching the apples

Anonymous
in Orphan

Guys, we should stop making jokes about orphans, their parents will get mad. Oh…Wait…Continue.

Anonymous

3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, “u would never believe what i discovered.” intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. “oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers.” said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with," i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, “oh sh*t…”

7
GRUCK

A blind comedian was asked to do stand up for a hospital. No one laughed at his jokes, so he continued to sing, “If you’re happy and you know it…”

The room was full of arm amputees.

4
Anonymous
in Yo mama

Yo Mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said-- To be continued

7
ThatDudeSavage
in Forehead

Yo Forehead is so big. .the photo on yo Driver’s License says “to be continued on the back”

3
wetnightmare

My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help mean understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So me with my horrible humor decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, “Here you are a fine African meal.” then everybody looked at me in disappointment and then I continued to say, “what poor taste?”

8
Anonymous
in Sexism

Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, “hey what’s that?” Lil Timmy looks down and says, “oh that, that’s only my little red race car.” They continue on with their bath.

Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, “hey what’s that?” Lil Susie looks down and says, “oh that, that’s only my little red race car garage.” They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, “hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage.”

The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, “what’s wrong?” Lil Susie says, “well Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn’t fit so we cut them off.”

The_Hagseed
in Jesus

One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. “What’s in the box?”, the priest asks. “Christian kittens”, the little girl answers. Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way. A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. “Ask her what she has in the box”, he says, “It’s the cutest thing!” The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. “Atheist kittens”, she says. The priest rushes forward and says "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were “Christian kittens!!!” “They were”, she says. “Now their eyes are open”.

4
random person

(found on web) There was an American wrestler from Texas named John, who throughout his high school career had never lost a match. As he went on into college he continued undefeated. He became a national icon and symbol of American strength.

News began to circulate of a Russian wrestler who was fierce and unstoppable. As each wrestlers legends grew, a match was set up between the two, America versus Russia. The match would be held in Texas.

John began training immediately. Every day his coach would tell him, “This Russian has a move called the Mongolian Death Grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian Death Grip. DO NOT let him get you in the Mongolian Death Grip”

The day of the match finally came. Just before each wrestler stepped onto the mat in front of the capacity crowd, the coach once again said, “Whatever you do, do not let him get you in the Mongolian death grip. No one has ever escaped the Mongolian death grip”.

Four seconds into the match, the Russian had the American in the Mongolian death grip. The coach buried his face into his hands and cursed John for not listening to his advice. All of the sudden he heard the crowd irrupt in a chant of USA USA USA. He looked up and saw the Russian pinned by John. The coach ran out to meet John and embarrassingly told him, “I didn’t see… Once he had you in the Mongolian Death Grip I looked away. How in the world did you get out of the Mongolian death grip?”

With heavy breath, John told him “Well coach, that Russian grabbed me and twisted my body in ways I never imagined possible. I was wincing in pain when I open my eyes and right in front of me were two testicles. So I bit them.”

“What???” Said the coach… “John I don’t think that is legal. You could be disqualified”

“I don’t know about that coach. But I can tell you one thing. You ain’t got no idea how strong you are until you bite your own balls”

2
Sportsronan (sub me)
in Puns

A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He wen’t to his brother, who was playing with a superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered ‘SUPERMAN!!!’. Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said 'in the barbie dream house! Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said ‘Olé Olé Olé!!!’. The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. ‘WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!’, the teacher boomed. ‘Superman’, the boy replied. ‘WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!’, the teacher continued. ‘In the Barbie Dream House’ ‘GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE!!!’ ‘OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ OLÉ!’, the boy chanted on his was down the hall.

Quandale Dingle
in Little Johnny

One day, little Johnny was playing with his toys and looked out the window. He saw the neighbor’s kid laying face-first in the grass. Not breathing. Little Johnny continued to shoot his nerf gun at the neighbor’s big booty cheeks. No movement at all. After little johnny went to get a snack, he looked out the window again and the kid was gone. Little Johnny went to the neighbors and said, “I’m sorry to hear that your child has gone missing.”

Ayyyyyy

Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making cake” and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! were making cake!” So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! Howd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.

Anonymous

There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed and they all went to heaven. God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said,"I want to be handsome. " God granted his wish. The second guy said,“I want to be more handsome than the first guy.”, God granted his wish. “The third guy said " I want to be more handsome than the second guy.” God granted his wish and this continued on and on until the 15 ugly guy.The ugly guy was laughing. Really hard. “What is your wish?” God asked him. “I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!” God granted his wish

Anonymous
in Orphan

did you know the f in orphan stands for family…oh wait HAHA

we should stop making jokes about orphans before they tell there parents…oh continue

Ammar Yayeh
in Roast

Yo mama’s so fat, she stepped on a scale and it said: “To be continued.”

Anonymous

I was 11 or 12 at the time.

Guy (passing me): How are you doing? Me, an autist: Pretty bad honestly. Guy (continued walking past me) Me: …

If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.

Anonymous
in Orphanage

School Bully: How’s your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don’t have any! Me: How’s your parents? Oh wait, you don’t have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage

But she hasn’t tried the position with her new boyfriend. So she invites him to a romantic dinner. After dinner, she tells her boyfriend about her desire for it. But her boyfriend was clueless about such acts. So she tell him to strip naked on the couch and lay on top of him naked in the 69 positions. She starts sucking him off and starts waiting for him to do the same. But the bf didn’t know what to do, so he just lay there. Suddenly the girl had an urge to fart, but hold it in because her asshole was right near his bf face. Suddenly she loses control, and lets one out. She apologizes profusely and continues sucking him. A couple of minutes later, she feels the urge again and lets another fart rip near his face. The BF throws the girl from the couch, gets up, and says

“Bitch if you think I’ll be lying here for 67 more of those, you’re fucking crazy.”

The Special

What do you call a blonde in the freezer?

Her parents named her Cindy so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow

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