Commitment jokes
Baby > commits start breathing.
Mom > commits abort.
Baby > commits ohshit.exe
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
How did a blonde commit suicide?
She jumped from the basement window.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
Go commit neck rope.
What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?
A cliffhanger.
Why did Adam commit suicide? Andy went through the back door.
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
Museum girl: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?
A pornstar committed suicide; her coworkers must be taking it hard.
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.
My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.