Commitment jokes
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
I remember the first time I went to one of Luis Fonsi's concerts...
I wanted to commit DEATHpacito so badly.
Baby > commits start breathing.
Mom > commits abort.
Baby > commits ohshit.exe
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
How did a blonde commit suicide?
She jumped from the basement window.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
Go commit neck rope.
What do you call someone who wants to commit suicide by jumping off a building?
A cliffhanger.
Why did Adam commit suicide? Andy went through the back door.
Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
Museum girl: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?
A pornstar committed suicide; her coworkers must be taking it hard.
A man goes to the library to find the best book about committing suicide. So when he asks the librarian, "What's the best book on committing suicide?" The librarian said, "Oh, fuck off...you won't bring it back anyway."
Muslims commit suicide to go to Paradise and get 72 virgins... I just go to the local primary school.
My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.