Commitment jokes
Why would you shoot up an innocent school... if your aimbot's dead and you can't commit headshots only?
People complain we are overpopulated.
Well, then if we committed suicide, then why do they be sad? It's one less person to think about. Why complain about it when in the end we become sad people?
What does a lesbian bring on the second date?
A U-Haul.
What does a relationship and suicide have in common?
I always fail on committing.
Alvin and the Chipmunks commit war crimes.
if you ask an artist how to commit suicide, they will say a very creative way
Where do spiders commit crimes?
The Dark Web.
Why do deer stay in front of a moving car?
To commit suicide.
Why do homeless people commit crimes?
They get a bed in jail.
What's the worst thing about committing suicide? You can only do it once.
What's the only regret you would have when you eventually kill yourself? It wasn't sooner.
My friend was on a wheelchair... he committed suicide yesterday. I remember when I met him last time, he told us a good joke and I appreciated him and told him to become a stand-up comedian.
Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed from a gorilla jumping off a tall building?
It was called Fall-adelphia.
Why did the orphan commit a bank robbery?
So he could be wanted.
Are you suicide? Cause I'm tryna commit to you.
Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles, and lighten your burden."
Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles."
Girl: "Well, that's because we aren't married yet!"
Why did the orphan commit mass murder?
To be on top of the wanted list.
Why did the orphan commit crimes? To know what it's like to be wanted.
Woman: Will you love me after marriage as well?
Man: That will depend on your husband. If he will, so of course I would!
When you commit suicide in your house, that's suicide, but when you commit suicide outside, you failed your parkour.
Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.