Clock jokes
I got mad at my white friend today. I, as a darker person, had told them to meet me outside at 3 o'clock. They, being VERY special that day, had said, "AM or PM?"
Laughing at their question, I said, "Honey, 3 AM, because I'll lose a fight at 3 PM."
I bought a belt made of clocks.
It was a waist of time.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
If her internal clock can tock, she can sit on my cock.
If her internal clock can tick, she can sit on my dick.
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
Why did the rapper sit on the clock?
He wanted to keep it real with TIME.
Why did the rapper bring a clock to the concert?
Because he wanted to spit BARS on time.
Why did the rapper bring a clock to the stage?
To keep track of his rhyme time.
A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.
The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.
"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.
"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."
"How does it work?"
The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole, it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"
I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.
Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock.
He finally got up there, but a bird stole his co-.
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
What kind of bug can tell time? A clock-roach.
I was falling down the stairs at my local clock tower.
I somehow broke more than 206. I broke 342!
What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.
"What time is it?"
"Daytime."
I wanted to make a joke about clocks, but I got no time for that.
What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.