Clock jokes
I bought a belt made of clocks.
It was a waist of time.
What has 2 or 3 hands and is always right twice a day when it is broken?
A clock.
If her internal clock can tock, she can sit on my cock.
If her internal clock can tick, she can sit on my dick.
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.
Why did the rapper sit on the clock?
He wanted to keep it real with TIME.
Why did the rapper bring a clock to the concert?
Because he wanted to spit BARS on time.
Why did the rapper bring a clock to the stage?
To keep track of his rhyme time.
A drunk guy is showing friends his new apartment.
The last stop is the bedroom, where a big brass gong sits next to the bed.
"What's that gong for?" the friend asks him.
"It's not a gong," the drunk replies. "It's a talking clock."
"How does it work?"
The guy picks up a hammer, gives the gong an ear-shattering pound, and steps back.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screams, "For God's sake, you asshole, it's 3:30 in the god damn morning!"
I ate a clock yesterday. It was very time-consuming.
Hickory dickory dock, the mouse ran up the clock.
He finally got up there, but a bird stole his co-.
How did the digital clock show off to its mother?
Look, Ma, no hands!
What kind of bug can tell time? A clock-roach.
I was falling down the stairs at my local clock tower.
I somehow broke more than 206. I broke 342!
What do you call someone who gets killed at 12 o'clock on New Year's? First kill of the match.
"What time is it?"
"Daytime."
I wanted to make a joke about clocks, but I got no time for that.
What did the clock do when it was hungry? It went back four seconds.
A man dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, he sees an angel standing in the center of a room, surrounded by clocks. The man goes over to the angel and says, "What are these clocks for?" The angel looks at him. "These are lie clocks," the angel says, "every time someone lies, it ticks once. Mother Teresa never lied, so hers is at noon, and Honest Abe only lied twice." The man asks, "Where is Bill Clinton's clock?" The angel smiles, then points up at the fan.