Citizenship jokes

The interviewer asked me if I had a criminal record when I was requesting Australian citizenship.

I replied, "No. Is that still required?"

I played Uno with my Mexican friend.

That bastard took all the green cards!

Why can't Mexicans play Uno? Because they steal all of the green cards.

Why are Mexicans good at Uno?

They always steal the green card.

Yo mama's so fat, brexshit is deporting British citizens.

Why isn't Stephen Hawking going to heaven?

Because he's British.

What is a Mexican's only obstacle?

Border patrol.

What is the difference between a book and a Mexican?

One has papers.

What is red, white, and blue and makes me proud to live in this country?

The baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.

Someone booted Stephen Hawking offline. Maybe next time he will stand for the pledge/anthem.

Suicide is illegal because it's a crime to destroy government property.