I made a house for orphans and...
they had no clue how to use it.
My sister was hitting on my boyfriend. I'm 11, she's 9. She said, "Go f-ck yourself," so I said, "Okay, thanks for the idea!"
What's the difference between a trampoline and a baby? I take my shoes off when I jump on a trampoline.
What do orphans call their parents?
Unicorns because they don’t exist.
My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.
What's worse than ten babies on one tree? One baby on ten trees.