Why is E.T. better than an orphan?
Because he found his way home.
I was laughing my ass off when the 12-year-old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival. 🤣🤣🤣
Guys, this is so wrong. I'm an orphan and this extremely offends me. I'm telling my parents, um.......
In life, it’s either yeet or get beat, and I clearly failed yeeting as a child, as my dad beat me.
Mother, “Johnny, if you keep being this naughty, you’ll get kids who will be very naughty to you!”
Johnny, “Oh mom, you just betrayed yourself there, didn’t you?”
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Do you know the TV show "Naked and Afraid?" Well, that's what my grandpa and I played when I was young.
I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.
Why do orphans love drinking water? Because they have no milk to drink!
Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope I'll get hit by a car. I am not dead yet, I hope I'll die. I hope I'll be born to a new whole life.
What can you never tell an orphan?
Go home to your parents.
Why is it so easy to bully an orphan? What are they gonna do, tell their mum?
Yo mama so stupid, she hides behind a glass door when playing hide and seek.
Q: Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
A: Because their dad is shopping for the milk.
Johnny was watching TV when he heard them say "bitch" and "bastard," so he asked his dad, "What is a bitch and bastard?"
Dad said, "A bitch is a female, and a bastard is a male."
Then Johnny goes back to the TV and hears them say "ass" and "shit," so he asks his dad what "shit" and "ass" means. Dad says, "A shit is shaving cream, like what I'm putting on my face, and ass is a coat. Why don't you bug your mom?"
So Johnny goes back to the TV, and then they say "fuck," so Johnny asks his mom what "fuck" means. Mom says, "Fuck means carving, like doing to the turkey." Then a few minutes later, Johnny hears a knock on the door, so he answers it. He then says, "Welcome, bitch and bastard, may I tack your ass?" The people then ask where his parents are. Johnny says, "My dad is putting shit on his face, and my mom is fucking the turkey."
If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.
I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
Therapist: So how depressed would you say you’ve been feeling lately?
Me: I don’t care anymore if my foot hangs over the bed where a monster can get it.
Therapist [whispering]: Jesus, wow.
Boy: "Hey mom, can we have ice cream?"
Orphan: "What's a mom?"
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They don't know where home is.
