Why did the child cross the road?
Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.
SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"
Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"
Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...
My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."
Did you know penguins can fly if you throw them hard enough? Just like children!
My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.
The mom and dad left the child because they were famous and rich, like rich monkeys.
Your dad went on America's Got Talent for "smoothest way to leave their child."
What does the Catholic Church and Worstjokesever.com have in common?
They're both full of child groomers.
My mom told me to help her with the laser, but it was opposite day, so I pushed her down.
She said help, so I kicked her.
I hate adopted kids. They are ugly and stupid, lmao.
Come, my children, to the bread cult!
What is an orphan's dad's job?
A magician because he makes himself disappear.
What is an emo kid's favorite game?
Hangman.
There was a little kid crying in the park today. I asked him where his parents were. Now I realize, man, I love my job.
A man has the power to grant anyone a wish they want.
A kid comes up and says, "I want to be like Batman!"
The man smiles and grants his wish. The child goes home and finds that he is now an orphan.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To finally get his milk.
What do you call a sneaky child molester?
Incogpedo.
Which branch of the military accepts toddlers? The infantry.
Why can't an orphan get a tattoo at a young age?
They don't have parent permission.
Mom: Can I tell you a joke?
Kid: Sure.
Mom: Knock knock.
Kid: Who's there?
Mom: Not yo.
Kid: Not yo who?
Mom: Not yo father.
Kid: Not yo husband either.
I'm such a good babysitter because the last person I babysat was so flat.
