Mom: Do I look fat in my dress?
Child: Nah... you look fat in every dress!
Child Jokes
I made a website to adopt orphans. But there is no home page.
Why is it okay to hit an orphan?
It's not like it can tell its parents.
What's an orphan's favorite Roblox game? Adopt Me!
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
What kind of club is every parent afraid of their kid joining?
The Mikey Jackson club.
How do you spell the name of the most dangerous pedophile?
M-I-C-H-A-E-L J-O-S-E-P-H J-A-C-K-S-O-N
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because I can’t hit a home run. 💀💀💀
What cookie has an orphan never had?
Homemade.
Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?
A: They can't run home.
What is an orphan’s least favorite children’s game?
House.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
What do you call a kid in a wheelchair?
TIMMAHHHH!
What is an orphan's favorite game?
Solitaire.
A husband and wife at custody court. The judge looks sternly at the ex-wife.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child?"
Ex-wife: "I brought him into this world, so I should have custody of him."
Judge: "That is a simple yet good reason."
Then the judge looks toward the ex-husband.
Judge: "Why do you think you deserve custody of the child, sir?"
The ex-husband thought long and hard about his response. After a brief moment of silence, he replies, "If I put money into a Pepsi machine and a Pepsi comes out, is it mine or the machine's?"
I pushed the kid in the wheelchair down the hill, but before I did, I set his wheels on fire and called him "hot wheels."
What is the difference between preschools and my basement?
Little kids come out of preschool.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t run home.
When is a rapist safe around children?
When his plans are oven ready.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
They can't find the home plate.
An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"
