"Bitch, I’m a cow, bitchhhhh."
Cattle Jokes
Why did the cow wiggle?
To make milkshake! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Why did the cow go to space? To go to the moon!
Why was the cow afraid?
Because he was a cow-herd!
Why was the calf afraid?
Because she was a cow-herd.
What does a cow watch?
MooTube.
How are a mouse and a bale of hay alike?
The cat'll eat it (the cattle eat it).
What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin' off.
What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?
De-calf-inated.
Why did the ox get kicked out of the herd?
Because it wasn't being an ox, it was being a butt-ox...!
So I'm a cow, guess what my dad thinks of that? He says I'm a loooosmer.
What do you call a cow with three legs?
Tri-tip!
Why was the cow scared? Cause he had a nightmoo-r.
What did the cow say to the cheese? I am your father.
What do you call a cow that's laying down? Ground Beef.
What do you call a cow on steroids? A bull-y.
"Déjà moo": The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
A cowboy rides into a ranch on Sunday, stays three days, and leaves on Friday. How is this possible?
What do you call a bad bull?
A bully.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
There are three men walking down the road, and they come across a farm that is for sale. The three men look at each other and put all their money together to buy the farm. On that farm, there is a cow, a monkey, and a bunch of cow food. The men are out of money, and the farm is going out of business.
One of the men sees that there is a contest for the biggest cow in the county. They entered the contest, but the cow is so thin. Every time they tried to feed the cattle, it would poop and lose weight again, so one of them suggested that they put a cork up the cow's behind. The first guy says, "Okay, then go put a cork there."
"I don't want to do it. You do it."
"No, you do it."
The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it." And the monkey puts the cork in the cow's behind. They win the biggest cow contest and get the money they need to save the farm.
The second guy realizes that they need to take the cork out of the cow. "Guys, we need to take the cork out of the cow," he says.
"Well, I'm not going to do it. You do it."
"No, you do it."
The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it again." So the monkey uncorks the cow, and there was a huge explosion. A few days later, the three men wake up in the hospital.
The doctor walks up to the first man and asks, "What happened?"
The first man replies, "All I remember is that horrible sound."
The doctor walks up to the second man and asks, "What happened?"
"All I remember is that horrible smell..."
The doctor walks up to the third man and again asks the same question. The third man looks at him and says, "All I remember is that poor poor monkey trying to put the cork back in."
