Hazard Jokes

What's green, fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you?

A pool table.

Are you a toaster?

'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.

I went scuba diving last year. It was fun, but at the end, I ran out of oxygen.

It was a breathtaking experience.

What's big, green, has four legs, and if it falls out of a tree, it can kill you?

A pool table.

How do you tell if a blond is really stupid?

Put a scratch and sniff on a bleach pod.

A father of five puts on a gas mask and a hazard suit and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked, "Dad, what are you wearing?"

The father answered with, "A costume for Halloween."

The child asked, "Can I join?" He said no, for he said it's their last Halloween. After that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.

I am the danger.

Are you acid, cause I want to throw [you] at my face?

I saw a sign that said, "Falling Rocks." I tried it, and it doesn't.

Why did the blind man fall into the well?

He couldn’t see that well.

What Happens When You Get Caught On Fire?

— You Lost To Slmebody When You Were Playing Hide And Seek, And The Place Where You Got Caught Was Exactly On A Patch Of Fire.

God, you're more toxic than white phosphorus.

What do you call my brother in the water?

"Tsunami."

Health and safety tips: Looking at your hairline is hazardous. For your best interest, please look away.

All Mia needs to destroy the evil young girl in Resident Evil 7 Biohazard, was using a pedophile instead of serum.

What’s red and bad for your dental health? A brick.

What’s invisible and bad for you to breathe? Mustard gas.

What’s green and bad for you to drink? Radioactive waste.

I was looking forward to some toast...

So I took the toaster in the bath with me.

I fell down yesterday.

I will remember my brother's last words: if you can't put a fork in a toaster, how about a spoon?