Cash jokes
What do you call a rich Chinese man?
Cha-ching!
Welcome to the roadkill cafe, where yesterday's crash is today's cash.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Cash.
Cash who?
No thanks, I prefer walnuts!
I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.
Usually I just use tissues.
How to get quick cash:
Step 1: Kill a child's parents.
Step 2: Do foster care for them.
Step 3: Get paid for doing foster care.
Dude, if you're at the ATM, wouldn't that mean you're buying your own money?
Why do you pay cash for the metro train in Newcastle upon Tyne?
Why did the rapper go to the bank?
To withdraw some flow.
What do you call a Chinese rich man? Cha-ching!
Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?
Because no one wants him.
There once was a bear and a rabbit, and they hated each other.
The bear and rabbit then stumbled upon a mystical talking tree. The tree said: “I can give you 3 wishes each if you will stop fighting!”
So the bear went first. “I wish all the bears inside the forest are ladies.” And all the bears within the forest became females.
The rabbit said: “I wish I had a helmet.” Rabbit gets the helmet, and the bear looks at him funny.
The bear wishes: “I wish all the bears in the United States are ladies.” The wish was granted.
The rabbit says, “I wish I’ve a bike.” By this point, the bear thinks the rabbit is the stupidest thing he’s ever seen. The rabbit could wish for cash and have all the bikes in the world.
The bear says: “I wish all the bears inside the world are women.” The wish is granted.
While it’s the rabbit’s turn to wish, he puts on his helmet, gets on his bike, and says: “I wish that bear is gay.”
What do you call a Navajo with a lot of cash?
Johnny Cash.
The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
What do you call a prostitute with no arms or legs?
Cash and carry.
What did the hooker say when she found out the cash she was paid with for services rendered was counterfeit?
I've been raped!
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
How does a rapper keep their money safe?
In a RAP VAULT.
A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.
"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.
"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."
The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"
She said, "Not everybody paid."
Just give me my money (clap clap clap).