Cash

Cash jokes

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You have no heart! CG. Yeah, yeah, nah.

Balenciagas, yeah, I don't gotta tie 'em. It's a party, man, you're not invited. Smoking this gas, got me flying. She told me that I'm perfect timing. I'm like, "Baby, why you lying?" I can't trust nobody else, that's why I always just keep to myself. I walk in the spot, they're like, "You are the man." Your shawty wants me; that bitch is a fan. She told me that she doesn't got a man. I don't even care; I focus on bands. I'm with Rio, yeah, we're heaven-sent. 27, yeah, we're making bands. Off the pixie dust, like Peter Pan. Shawty hits my phone when she lands.

Y-ah (Ay). Girl, what you see in me? Smoking this reefer, I'm making this greenery. Fucking your bitch, and she says that she's needing me. Don't wanna talk, let's just skip all that speaking, please. She's seen I'm running my bread, getting money. Hurting your feelings? Go cry to your mommy. Designer your outfit, but making no money. Said I'd fall off, but I'm up now, that's funny. Manipulate women 'cause bitches are so dummy. Shawty's so mad, and she says that I'm mean. Walk with a limp, yeah, I carry a beam. Talk all that shit, but you hide through a screen. You don't know. You don't know. You don't know. You don't know, okay.

I'm making money; your bitch is acting funny when she gets around me 'cause I got the cash. You said that you're from the hood, but you are from the suburbs. You already know that's cap. I was down bad for a minute, but now I'm going up and never coming in last. I'm in an SRT, yeah, I'm switching these lanes; you can never go too fast.

Balenciagas, yeah, I don't gotta tie 'em. It's a party, man, you're not invited. Smoking this gas, got me flying. She told me that I'm perfect timing. I'm like, "Baby, why you lying?" I can't trust nobody else, that's why I always just keep to myself. I walk in the spot, they're like, "You are the man." Your shawty wants me; that bitch is a fan. She told me that she doesn't got a man. I don't even care; I focus on bands. I'm with Rio, yeah, we're heaven-sent. 27, yeah, we're making bands. Off the pixie dust, like Peter Pan. Shawty hits my phone when she lands.

What's the difference between Rorochan and skydivers?

One does it for the cash, the other for the views.

Why did the rapper get a job at the bank?

Because he wanted to make some rap deposits!

Why did the rapper bring a calculator to the party?

To count his STACKS of CASH!

We used to have Reagan, Jonny Cash, and Bob Hope. Now we have Biden, no cash, and no hope.

The pastor of the local church calls on the congregation for volunteers for Bible sales.

A gentleman with a severe stutter approaches the pastor after Sunday service.

"I-i-i... I-i-id like to v-v-v-v-vol-vol-vo-volunteer to s-s-s-se-sell b-b-b-bi-b-bibles, f-fff-f-f-fa-fa-father..."

"That would be wonderful, my son. We'll start you with one box. Please go door to door throughout the community and sell what you can. You can give these away, but donations are always accepted since the word of God is the most important message."

"T-t-t-t-th-th-th-thank you f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father... i-i-i-i-i-i-I'll s-s-s-s-se-se-sell what I c-c-c-cc-can..."

The pastor sends the man on his way.

About an hour later to the pastor's surprise, the stuttering man returns with an empty box and $200 cash.

The pastor is completely shocked, but is ultimately filled with joy as the church could use the funds more than ever, not to mention the community is that much closer to God's message.

So without asking questions, he happily sends the stuttering man on his way with 2 more boxes of Bibles.

"T-t-t-t-t-t-th-th-th-th-tha-thank you f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father, i-i-i-i-i-i-I'll be back s-s-s-s-s-soo-soo-soo-soon."

Exactly 2 hours later the stuttering man returns, only this time carrying 2 empty boxes and $500 cash.

The pastor is at a loss for words. So much so, that he's questioning whether the stuttering man is coming across these funds legitimately.

He pulls the man aside and asks, "Son, while myself and the church thank you for your efforts in selling these bibles, we want to make sure not to take advantage of common people. Most of my volunteers take upwards of a month to sell a single box of Bibles, and you've sold 3 boxes in a few hours. May I ask what you're telling these people when you approach their home?"

"W-w-w-w-we-we-well f-ff-f-f-f-fa-fa-fath-father it-it-it-it-its qui-q-q-q-qui-quite s-s-s-s-s-s-si-sim-simple."

"I ju-ju-ju-ju-just ask the-the-th-th-th-the-them if th-th-th-th-the-the-they'd l-l-l-l-li-li-li-li-lik-like to b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bu-bu-buy a b-b-b-bi-bi-bi-bible or if they w-w-w-w-w-wa-wa-wa-wan-want me to re-re-re-rea-read it to them."

Banker: I have the right to take your money!

Me: Check my name.

Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?

Banker: *realizes*

Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.

The cashier asked if I wanted to give my extra dollar to the poor. I said sure, and I got a Cash App notification for $1.

A cop saw an old lady carrying two sacks. He asked the lady what she was doing. She opened one bag and shows a bunch of cash.

"How did you get all this?" asked the cop.

"Well, I live behind a golf course, and my backyard has many holes in its fence. Since there are no bathrooms nearby, the golfers stick their dicks through the holes and piss onto my hard, and that keeps killing my flowers. So, I grabbed my hedge clippers, and when they stick it through, I grab their dick and yell, '10 bucks right now or it comes clean off!' After that, nobody pees in my yard ever again."

The cop responded with, "Dang. But what about the other bag?"

She said, "Not everybody paid."