Cant jokes
I can't find out where Stephen Hawking is from, I just can't place his accent.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They never hit home.
What has legs but can't walk?
A veteran.
A man in a wheelchair and his friend were walking down the street.
Man in Wheelchair: *falls out of wheelchair*
Friend: Are you okay?
Man in Wheelchair: I can't feel my legs!
Why does NASA only serve Coke?
Because they can't get Seven-Up!
There's a new cooking programme on BBC1. The contestants are victims of domestic violence. It's called "Can't Cook... Right Hook."
Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.
"S’truth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."
They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we can’t do it!" Cobber said, "So let’s try Plan B."
"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What’s that?"
"I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.
"Spot on!" Bruce said, "While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples."
"Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"
"No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they don’t have a home base.
What's the difference between a human and a tree?
A human can chop down a tree.
A tree can't chop down a human.
What's big, round, and can't move?
A vegetable!
Q: Why are the 49ers called the 49ers?
A: 'Cause they can't make it past the 50-yard line.
Why can’t October fool April?
Because only April fools.
What’s yellow and can’t swim?
A bus full of children.
What is a car that runs and can't?
What time is it when you say I can’t walk anymore? Time to get a wheelchair 🦼.
What's an orphan's favorite food? Nothing, they can't afford it.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she's a woman? No, seriously, why can't she drive? Because she's dead.
There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.
Why can’t the employee tell dirty laundry jokes?
Because they always come out clean.
Hey, can't wait to meet you! So join the crippling depression family!!