Cant jokes

Banana

  • Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

    I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

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  • Light Bulb

  • Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"

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  • Depression

  • My friends: Ugh, why are you so lazy and no fun?

    My parents: Why can't you be like your siblings?

    My teacher: I don't care if you're depressed, focus on your study!

    The songs: We understand you :)

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  • John Cena

  • Mom: I saw John Cena at WWE.

    Son: No way, you can’t see him though.

    Mom: God!

    Son: What?

    Mom: You watch too much reality TV (comes to smack butt).

    Son: Also because I’m John Cena.

    Mom: Where, where’d ya go?

    John Cena: Hey, Mom.

    Mom: I’m only 31, you’re 42.

    Orphan

  • Why can’t orphans get in trouble?

    Because there’s no one to give a phone call home to.

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