Cant jokes
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
Child: Hello, I can’t find my dad.
Stranger: Oh, well when and where did you last see him?
Child: Oh, I remember, 5 years ago he went to get some milk here.
Why do you only see girls in groups of 3, 5, 7, and 9?
Because they can’t even.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
What's the difference between a bison and a buffalo?
You can't wash your face in a buffalo.
What's the best thing about dating a blind chick?
She can't identify you.
A guy starts texting a cute girl and asks her to give him her phone number so he can call her. The girl says, "OK, but you have to transfer mobile balance to my number. Then I am gonna be your girlfriend and will meet you somewhere." He transfers her the balance and calls her, but it turns out the girl was actually a guy making him a fool. He blocked him.
The next day, he was very angry about himself being a fool, so he thought he'd do the same. He makes a fake girl account and starts texting with some random guy, and then he asks that guy to send him balance. Suddenly, his father came into his bedroom and asked, "Son, can you send me some balance? I am gonna send you cash after sometime." That guy looks at his father with suspicious eyes, and then he calls that random number. Suddenly his father's phone starts ringing......
Boy/girl: I love you.
Me: I love me too! But sorry, my mom said I can't date trash. Go back to the trashcan.
The boy/girl: I- *Is depressed*
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have nobody to call "daddy."
Brits don't exist. Mummies can't have kids.
What's the difference between a yellow line and a baby?
You can't run over a yellow line.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she is a girl.
I've got not much of anything to be honest.
Been in special classes in school.
Not liked by people.
Only relationship I've ever had and she cheated on me.
31 years old and never had sex, pathetic.
Not very smart.
Don't look good.
Hate myself more than anything.
Been a failure at everything in life.
Probably be alone forever.
People treat me like crap.
Can't do anything right.
And the list goes on and on.
So the question is why haven't I killed myself yet? The answer is, I forget. I'm a extreme procrastinator, keep just putting it off because I'll probably just fuck it up anyway.
Why can’t Chinese people play cricket?
Because they ate all the bats!
Why can't orphans have iPhones?
Because they can't find the home button.
Why can’t orphans have sex?
They have no one to call “daddy.”
Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the beach?
Because she can’t hear the sea.
Why can’t orphans work at SC Johnson?
Because it’s a family company.
Why can’t orphans do homeschool? They don’t have a home to do so.
What was George's last message to humanity before joining the others?
"I CAN'T BREATHE!"