Cant jokes
Brits don't exist. Mummies can't have kids.
What's the difference between a yellow line and a baby?
You can't run over a yellow line.
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
Because she is a girl.
I've got not much of anything to be honest.
Been in special classes in school.
Not liked by people.
Only relationship I've ever had and she cheated on me.
31 years old and never had sex, pathetic.
Not very smart.
Don't look good.
Hate myself more than anything.
Been a failure at everything in life.
Probably be alone forever.
People treat me like crap.
Can't do anything right.
And the list goes on and on.
So the question is why haven't I killed myself yet? The answer is, I forget. I'm a extreme procrastinator, keep just putting it off because I'll probably just fuck it up anyway.
Why can’t Chinese people play cricket?
Because they ate all the bats!
Why can't orphans have iPhones?
Because they can't find the home button.
Why can’t orphans have sex?
They have no one to call “daddy.”
Why doesn’t Helen Keller go to the beach?
Because she can’t hear the sea.
Why can’t orphans work at SC Johnson?
Because it’s a family company.
Why can’t orphans do homeschool? They don’t have a home to do so.
What was George's last message to humanity before joining the others?
"I CAN'T BREATHE!"
Coach: Why can't orphans play baseball?
Me: Because they can't get a homerun.
Why can’t orphans have a house pet?
Because its parents have it to itself.
What type of cake can't orphans eat?
Home made.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they don't know how to hit a home run.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Why can't orphans work at SC Johnson?...
Because it's a FAMILY company.
What's the food orphans can't eat?
Family-sized ice cream.
Guess why orphans can't be gay? Cause they have no one to call Daddy.
Guess why orphans can't play baseball? Because they don't know what home is.