Cant jokes

Depression

1 view ·

Hey, how ya doin'?

Well I'm doin' just fine, I lied, I'm DEAD inside.

Don't tell me "it's gonna be alright," I've tried, but I can't fight like this.

Hey how ya doin', I'm tired but I'm trying to fight.

Dog

216 views ·

So, an Irish man is walking his poodle, and his buddy comes running up to him saying there’s a new pub in town and they’re giving out free pints.

So the man picks up his dog and runs like hell to the bar. But the bar owner stops him and says, "Sorry, you can’t go in." The Irish man says, "Why can’t I go in?" "Well, you have a dog, sir, and that sign over there says no dogs allowed. You’re going to have to leave him outside." Well, the Irish man thinks quick and says, "I’m blind; it’s a seeing eye dog." The owner says, "That’s ridiculous. A seeing eye dog would be a German shepherd or golden Labrador or something like that." The Irish man says, "Well, what kind of dog did they give me??"😂

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  • Man

    12 views ·

    A man wakes up in the hospital and says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"

    "Of course," the doctor says. "I amputated your arms."

    Dream Job

    49 views ·

    Everyone in my class: "I can't wait until I have a family, I can't wait to study for my dream job."

    My friends: "What's your dream job?"

    Me: "I'm going to die young :))"

    Swallow

    11 views ·

    A flock of swallows were migrating south as a jet flew past them.

    "Why was that one flying so fast?" asked one. Another answers, "Can't you see his tail is burning?"

    Sleep

    6 views ·

    Teacher: "You know you can't sleep in my class."

    Boy: "I know. Maybe if you were a little quieter, I could."