Canning jokes

Think about how many more girls we guys could get if we talked to them how we talk to other guys, like when they say, "Can I borrow a pencil?" You say, "You can borrow this hard wood dick."

Who can jump the highest?

Emos, some of them are still falling.

Orphan: Can I go outside?

Coworker at orphanage: Go ask your mom.

Orphan: WAWAWAWAWAW

Your Mom is so fat, she could be Trump's border wall.

Which country can swim?

Finland. Get it? Fin Land?

Quote of the day:

Just one small positive thought in the morning can change your whole day.

[Comment your favorite fall beverage!]

Can you imagine what was the last thing that went through their brains?

The knee caps.

Why do orphans play tennis?

So they can finally get love.

You know they say, when you get lemons make lemonade... Well, I took that a little bit too literal.

Turns out squeezing your wife's tits as hard as you can hurts them.

But at least lemonade came out!

Why can't orphans play baseball?

Because they can't hit a home run.

What is the difference between an orphan and a non-orphan? You can slap the orphan, but not the non-orphan because they can actually tell their parents.

Why can't orphans make dad jokes? Because they don't have one.

How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?”

“No,” said his mom, “Of course not.”

Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, “It’s okay! We can play that game!”

Why does a blind man still have eyes?

So he can see that he can't see.

What does an orphan and a wheelchair have in common?

They can both be replaced.

What does a blind man crying and an unplugged TV have in common?

Nothing can be seen when they get turned on.

She asked:

"How can you explain a yellow color to a blind man?"

Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.

A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.

The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."