Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.
Elderly man: Can I get a discount, please? I fought in World War 2.
Cashier: Sure!
Elderly man: Danke.
I robbed a person in a wheelchair. He cried and said: "You can run, but you can't hide." I ran, and I never saw him again.
Can I put my balls in your jaw <3?
Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.
Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?
Your mom is so fat nobody can compare her to anything.
What music do depressed people listen to?
"I Believe I Can Fly."
What's worse than ten dead babies in a dumpster? One dead baby in ten trash cans...lol
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
What do emo boys and emo girls have in common? They both wanna die and cut so they can die faster, but they are already dead, already dead to me!
What game can an emo play on their wrists without an ink pen?
Tic-tac-toe.
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
Hey, can you Putin deez nuts?
One thing you can ask Mario:
"Can you jump up and down for me?"
What thing can jump the highest?
Emo kids, some of them are still in the air.
Why can orphans not play baseball?
Because they can't find home.
Johnny: Why do cuss words exist?
Mom: That's not something you should think about right now. I'll tell you when you're older.
|| 20 YEARS LATER ||
Johnny: Mom, now can you tell me why cuss words exist?
Mom: Because some people invented them so that they could use them when something annoying happened to them.
Johnny: Damn, Mom, you shoulda told me that when I was still seven 'cause now I really feel like that person.
The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.
"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"
Sally: "You..."
Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"
Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."
Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"
Johnny: "A pig."
Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "
Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"
Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?
Little Johnny: "Your wife."
