Both jokes

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

What does a bar fly and a necrophiliac have in common?

They both enjoy a cold one once in a while.

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, Daddy came in with the lady next door, and they started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off Daddy’s clothes, and Daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of Daddy and started...”.

The mother cuts him off and says, “Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” A couple hours later, the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face, shouting, “I’m leaving you... Go ahead, Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door, and you both started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off your clothes, and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing Mom did with Uncle Joe last summer.”

What does a blind man and your dick have in common?

They both can’t get up without a dog.

I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.

What's the difference between a dad and an Emo?

They both don't last a while.

What do Madeline McCann and a submarine have in common?

Both are at the bottom of the ocean full of seamen!

What do McDonald's and priests have in common?

They both shove their meat into 10-year-old buns.

What do Bob Ross's painting and the orphanage have in common?

They're both filled with happy little accidents.

What do Americans and Rubik's Cubes have in common?

They both have a history of separating colors.

What is similar between Hitler and Trump?

They both want to keep races out.

What do a stool and an emo have in common?

They both sit still.

What's the difference between an orphan and a slice of pizza?

Nothing, I eat both of them.

What can you tell [as] a difference between [a] man and a woman [in a] relationship?

Both of them are just full of shit.

What do an orphan's parents and the Predator have in common?

They are both invisible.

What do a Make-A-Wish kid and mosquitoes have in common?

They both got a 10% survival rate...

What do KFC and a brothel have in common?

They’re both full of greasy chicks.

Toast is like parents.

If they are both black, you have nothing to eat.

Yo mama so fat,

she fell off BOTH sides of the bed!

What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?

They both make a sound when thrown.