Both jokes

What's the difference between a feminist and a pig?

There isn't one; they are both the same thing.

Do you know what the similarity between a penis and cucumber is?

They both have cum in it.

What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common?

Both are not a lamp.

What does a person that’s high and Helen Keller have in common?

Both stare off into space.

What is the difference between the Titanic and the Twin Towers?

They both went down.

What does a priest and time have in common? They're both predators.

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

What does a bar fly and a necrophiliac have in common?

They both enjoy a cold one once in a while.

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, Daddy came in with the lady next door, and they started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off Daddy’s clothes, and Daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of Daddy and started...”.

The mother cuts him off and says, “Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” A couple hours later, the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face, shouting, “I’m leaving you... Go ahead, Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door, and you both started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off your clothes, and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing Mom did with Uncle Joe last summer.”

What do noodles and women have in common? They both wiggle when you eat them.

What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?

They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”

Yo mama so fat,

she fell off BOTH sides of the bed!

What's the same thing between a baby and a grenade?

They both make a sound when thrown.

My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.

What do your teacher and your friend have in common?

They will both die eventually.

What do Michael Jackson and a plastic bag have in common?

They both are plastic and like kids.

What do Wal-Mart and Michael Jackson have in common?

They both have little boy's pants 1⁄2 off...

What's the difference between an orphan and a slice of pizza?

Nothing, I eat both of them.

What is similar between Hitler and Trump?

They both want to keep races out.

What do Americans and Rubik's Cubes have in common?

They both have a history of separating colors.