Both jokes

What’s the relationship between a pedophile and a light bulb? They're both meant for dark rooms.

What's the difference Michael Jackson and a play station have in common...

They're both plastic and kids turn them on.

What do a 14 year old and the fetus inside her both think?

"Man, my mom's going to kill me!"

What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?

Condoms!

What’s the difference between Juice WRLD and George Floyd?

Nothing, they both can’t breathe.

What does Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?

They both come in small can.

What’s the difference between a bleeding child and a bleeding chimpanzee?

They're both crazy and now dead.

This is a joke about Ms. Ploopatoink, a made-up character who is a pink fluffy pony who loves toilet paper.

Why is Ms. Ploopatoink like a toilet plunger?

They both jump in the toilet!

A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.

The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.

There was a car accident, and the cops pull up to the crime scene to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said, "What happened here?" She responded by saying, "A car crash." They then asked, "But how did it happen?" She responded, "The cars crashed into each other." They finally said, "But why did it happen?" The lady said, "Oh, I know where you're going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas pedal, the car goes forward, and they both pushed it, so they both went forward and hit each other." One cop said, "Never mind, ma'am," and they started walking away.

The blonde lady then said, "Oh, and officers, my computer froze. Do you think I should put it in the microwave or in the oven?"

What do computer programming and 9/11 have in common?

They're both inside jobs.

What’s the difference between someone’s wife and a plate?

They both have to stay in the kitchen.

What do blondes and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up.

What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?

They both get turned on by kids.

What's something the same about a depressed kid and a hanger? They both like to hang.

What do an orphan and a blind person have in common? They both can't see their parents.

Why do flamingos sleep with one leg up?

Because if they slept with both legs up, they would fall over!

Q: What does a microwave and an M1 Garand have in common?

A: They both go “ping” when they’re done.

What do Black people and chains have in common? Both work better with chains on them?

My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.