Why is Donald Trump so jealous of Usain Bolt?
Because he successfully finished a race!
Bolt Jokes
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite song?
Head, shoulders, screws, and bolts.
What did Hitler and Usain Bolt have in common?
They both finished the races.
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
Q: What’s the difference between Usain Bolt and Adolf Hitler?
A: One got to finish a race.
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head 'n Shoulders.
Jesus and his friend went fishing. They both cast their lines out, and both of them get a bite, but Jesus's friend misses and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's a bad sentence to say; if you say it 3 times, something bad will happen to you." They cast it out again, and both get a bite, and Jesus's friend misses again and says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus replied, "If you say that one more time, something bad will happen." They cast out again, and Jesus's friend's line snaps, and he says, "Damn, I missed." Jesus said, "That's the last time something bad will happen." The biggest thunderstorm ever seen appeared, and a lightning bolt struck Jesus, and a voice came from the clouds, "Damn, I missed."
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
What is the difference between Usain Bolt and Hitler?
Usain Bolt can finish a race.
Yo mama so fat, she broke Usain Bolt's 100 meter speed record by taking ONE STEP!
Your hairline's so far back that Usain Bolt had to run 50 miles away from you!
What do you call a nut that screws and then bolts?
An escapee from a mental hospital.
What cereal do I eat?
Captain Bolts.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
Producer: We need to stop testing out products on animals.
CEO: Shampoo companies do it all the time.
Fairchild Republic making the A-10 Thunder Bolt.
My puns drive people nuts; this is usually when I bolt away.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo?
Head and Shoulders.
What eats nuts and bolts? A squirrel that’s running late!
¿Hola, quién es?
Ever wondered why Usain Bolt runs fast? He's training to outrun the cops.
