Vigilante jokes
Why does Batman cover half of his face? To let the police know that he's white.
Orphan: "I want to be a superhero."
Me: "You should be Batman."
Also me: *starts laughing* because Batman doesn't have parents...
I was making fun of an orphan, then I realized he tracked me down. I made a bad decision. He was Batman!
If Batman is half bat and half human, how was he made?
"He wasn't because you can't f*ck a bat."
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up. That little shit wants to be gunned down in an alley.
Memes
A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.
He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"
Orphan: I want to be like Batman.
Orphan worker: You are already like him, honey.
There is a dark alley. Who do you call?
Batman.
What do you call a rich orphan?
Batman.
Why doesn't Batman have super vision?
His parents died.
What is Batman's favorite food?
Justice.
Where would Batman get his freak on at? The Batcave or the bat strip club?
Cause I am Batman!
What is Batman like?
He is an orphan.
Why do orphans have no parents?
Because it was Batman!
Three citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI. Their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot her. He walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario. He put the gun up, but couldn't pull the trigger, so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario. He walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."
Remember, kids: the school shooter can't get you if YOU are the shooter.
What do you call a night guard at the glory hole inside a adult bookstore?
Guardian of the confessional booth.
People judge me because I'm quiet.
No one plans a massacre out loud.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.
I saw it through my telescope last night.