Baseball jokes
What do children and lights have in common? They both hang from ceilings!
Not funny, here’s another.
Why can’t China play baseball? They ate the bat.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home is.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
They don't know where home plate is.
Lady: "Can I lick your balls?"
Me: "Ummmmm, ok?"
Lady: *grabs ball sack and licks my balls*
Me: "I'm gonna have to clean these now!"
Lady: "Let me do that."
Me: "No, thank you! I have to use these baseballs for practice!"
A married woman is having an affair. Whenever her lover comes over, she puts her nine year old son in the closet.
One day, the woman hears a car in the driveway and puts her lover in the closet with her son.
Inside the closet, the little boy says, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Yes it is," the man replies.
"You wanna buy a baseball?" the little boy asks.
"No thanks," the man replies.
"I think you do want to buy a baseball," the little extortionist continues.
"OK. How much?" the man replies, after considering the position he was in.
"Twenty-five dollars," the little boy replies.
"TWENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?!" the man repeats. "That's awful expensive," but because of the position he was in, agreed to the price.
The following week, the lover is visiting the woman again when she hears a car in the driveway, and again places her lover in the closet with her little boy.
"It's dark in here, isn't it?" the boy starts off.
"Yes it is," replies the man.
"Wanna buy a baseball glove?" the little boy asks.
"OK. How much?" the hiding lover responds, acknowledging his disadvantage.
"Fifty dollars," the boy replies, and the transaction is completed.
The next weekend, the little boy's father says, "Hey, son. Go get your ball and glove and we'll play some catch."
"I can't. I sold them," replies the little boy.
"How much did you get for them?" asks the father, expecting to hear the profit in terms of lizards and candy.
"Seventy-five dollars," the little boy says.
"SEVENTY-FIVE DOLLARS?! That's thievery! I'm taking you to the church right now. You must confess your sin and ask for forgiveness," the father explains as he hauls the child away.
At the church, the little boy goes into the confessional, draws the curtain, sits down, and says "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
"Don't you start that crap in here," the priest says.
I couldn’t understand why the baseball was getting bigger and bigger.
Then it hit me.
Why does it get hot after a baseball game?
'Cause all the fans have left.
Why don’t orphans play baseball? Cause they don’t know where home is!
Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they can't find home.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
They have no home to run to.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they can't find home.
Why do orphans play baseball because they try to find home?
What do you call a gay baseball player? A homo-run-sexual.
I did a walk today, but it was good for me and my car. And a walk today.
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can never find home.
Why does an orphan hate playing baseball?
Because it has no home base.
Why don’t orphans play baseball?
Because they can’t find home.
Why is the most popular food at a baseball stadium pancakes? Because everybody likes a good batter!
Why can't orphans play baseball?
Because they can't find home.