Bad jokes
A blonde crashes an airplane.
Officer: Could you please explain to me what happened?
Woman: It got so cold in the plane, I turned the fan off.
Officer: *face palms self*
Also officer: Here's your sign.
What’s red and bad for your dental health? A brick.
What’s invisible and bad for you to breathe? Mustard gas.
What’s green and bad for you to drink? Radioactive waste.
Why are gay people bad at hide and seek?
Because they're always coming out of the closet.
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"
What time is it when you say "bad day?"
Why do horses eat with their mouth open?
Because they have bad stable manners.
"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Dishes."
"Dishes who?"
"Dishes a bad joke."
Why are orphans bad at baseball? Because they can't go home.
How does Helen Keller smell?
Pretty bad, she's dead!
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her... she had really bad balance.
What's black and red/read all over? A baby skunk with a bad case of diaper rash!
I was 11 or 12 at the time.
Guy (passing me): "How are you doing?" Me, an autist: "Pretty bad honestly." Guy (continued walking past me) Me: ...
If you didn’t know, “what’s up” and “how are you doing” are phatic expressions in the United States, meaning that they’re said as greetings even though they literally mean something else.
I feel bad for shopping carts. They're always being pushed around.
I aced my poker test...
My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...
A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...
Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...
A lot of people get mad at me for my bad jokes. I always thought they were punderful.
I played piano at a Worthmore disabled elderly center. Then after I was done, I said, "How about you give me a standing ovation?"
I regret it to this day. Now I am forced to live here at Worthmore, and sit on my wheelchair, sad and lonely.
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.
Why did the skeleton go to jail?
Because he was bad to the bone!
What made his beats so bad?
His name.
I have a really good joke.
Do you want to hear it?
Oh wait, this is a bad joke website.