Back jokes

How do you become with NATO? Promise no more world wars by secretly performing military practices behind their back.

A dwarf walks into a bar.

He asks for a shot of whiskey. The bartender gives him the 🥃, and it turns into a gallon of whiskey. The bartender sees this and takes it back, and it turns back into a shot of whiskey.

Three nuns went up to Mother Teresa and said, "Mother Teresa, we would not like to be nuns anymore." Mother Teresa said, "Okay, but first you have to do something unholy." So they leave and come back three days later. The first one says, "Mother Teresa, I did something unholy. I took a little kid's bike." Mother Teresa says, "Okay, drink from the holy water and you are free to go." The second nun walks up, upset, "I did something worse than her. I slept with a married man." The last nun walks up and says, "I did something worse than all of them." Mother Teresa says, "Oh god, oh gosh, what is it?" And the third nun says, "I peed in the holy water."

Two guys were on a hunting trip, and after the first day of hunting, they didn’t see anything, so they decided the next day they would split up and meet back at the fire at dinner time.

After a day of hunting, they meet back at the fire, and one hunter asked the other, “How did your day go?”

The one hunter said, “I had the best day ever! I went down the hill and hunted by the train tracks and saw the hottest chick ever. We had sex for hours in every position you could think of.”

Then the other hunter asked him, “Was she a good lookin’ blond?” And he said, “Oh, I don’t know, I didn’t find her head.”

"2001 just called and they want their towers back."

"Go back to Party City, where you belong!" — Phi Phi O’Hara, RuPaul’s Drag Race.

Your hairline is so far back that when I wrote it on a chalkboard, it did not erase.

Why is the sand always pissed off?

Because the sand never waves back!

You're so fat that when you went sunbathing at the beach, Greenpeace came along and pushed you back in the ocean.

If you execute someone in ventricular fibrillation in the electric chair, will they come back to life once and then die?

What does a pirate say to the president?? Spread your legs so I can get my treasure back.

Why do orphans hate any milk?

Their dad did not come back for 10 years. Oh, sorry, he got lost in the store! 🤧

A man and a boy went into a forest. The boy said he was scared. The man said, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone."

I got fired for not doing enough work.

Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.

I did this to my ex. I stole her wheelchair. I knew she would come crawling back.

[concert] SINGER: How's everyone doin' tonight? CROWD: Woo! ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): It's actually been a tough few months.

Your hairline went so back, you had to cry to your mama!

McDonald's called back and they said they want their logo back.

Your hairline's so far back, you need binoculars to see it.

Man, your hairline is so far back, archaeologists couldn't find it.

You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.