Back jokes

College is the opposite of kidnapping. They demand $100,000 from you, or they'll send your kid back.

Friend: My mum took my phone from me, and I really want it back.

Me: Yeah, well, Hades took my parents from me, and the funny thing is, I don't want them back.

What is the best way to make a leaf?

Go down, back around, and stir up a tree. Make it spin, watch again. Oven baking, ding, we're done!

— Can I borrow a book [on] how to kill myself?

— Librarian: No, because you won’t bring it back.

What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and a boomerang?

The boomerang is guaranteed to come back.

So a mom went to her kid and said, "If you pray to God, He will give you your sight back." So he did exactly that.

The next morning, the mom heard a scream, so she went to the kid's room and asked, "What's wrong?" The kid replied, "It didn't work!" The mom said, "April Fools!"

One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.

A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

You better get used to having dry cereal cuz your dad ain't never bringing the milk back.

What do you call Shroud when he is hurt?

ShrOWd.

Guess what, Shroud is back on wje, I don't know why, but he is...

When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.

When you send your girl a dick pic, but she says it's small, so you text back and say:

"Enjoy the little things."

My boyfriend dumped me. Guess who came back crawling for his zimmer frame?

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

Why do orphans like the number seven? It's lucky, so maybe their parents will come back.

Are your forehead and your hairline best friends because they look like they go way back?

Why did Jesus come back from the dead? He forgot to tell you that you're gay!

Ugly face dude: Hi kiddo!

Kid: Hi kid. Leaves.

Kid turns back and says: Wait a minute, who are you?

Your hairline is so far back my grandpa said he had a glimpse of it in the 1960s.

Why do so many kids love boomerangs? Because they always come back.