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Back jokes

Rape victim

    • What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?

    Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.

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    • Shit

    • Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.

    When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

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    • Race

    • Adam and Eve are going through the garden when Adam suddenly says, "What race are we?"

    Eve responds with, "Ask God, he will tell you." So Adam goes over to a hill and asks, "God, what race are we?"

    God says, "You are what you are."

    Adam goes back to Eve and says, "We are white." Eve asks how he knew that. Adam responds with, "If we were black, he would have said 'you is what you is'."

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    • Sausage

    • Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

    Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

    "Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

    "Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

    When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

    The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

    After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

    "How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

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    • Girl

    • Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.

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    • Back memes

    Fear

    • Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.

    Her: I am scared!

    Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.

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    • Homeless

    • One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!

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    • Dad

    • My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."

    Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.

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    • Phone

    • Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.

    Why? You ask.

    Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.

    Difference

    • What’s the difference between a Mercedes and a Skoda?

    Princess Di wouldn’t be seen dead in the back of a Skoda...

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