ANS jokes

Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?

A. Nothing, they both die at ten.

What is Batman like?

He is an orphan.

I work at a bank and an old woman asked me to check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

Q: Why is it fun to hit an orphan?

A: Who are they going to tell, their parents?

I asked a child where their parents were. They started to cry. I laughed and walked out of an orphanage.

Why do orphans have sex toys? Because the uncle isn't there.

What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite musical group?

The Who?

If you hit an orphan on the arm, what will he do? Tell his parents?

How do you leave an idiot in suspense? I'll tell you tomorrow!

How does an apple fall from a tree?

I don't know, ask Sir Isaac Newton!

Is a selfie of an orphan a self-portrait or family photo?

What do you call an injured Panera Bread?

Panera Bled.

What do you call a photo of an orphan who takes a selfie?

A family portrait.

It was the final examination for an introductory English course at the UW. Like many such freshman courses, it was designed to weed out new students, having over 800 students in the class! The examination was two hours long, and exam booklets were provided. The professor was very strict and told the class that any exam that was not on his desk in exactly two hours would not be accepted and the student would fail.

1/2 hour into the exam, a student came rushing in and asked the professor for an exam booklet.

"You’re not going to have time to finish this," the professor said, as he handed the student a booklet.

"Yes, I will," replied the student. He then took a seat and began writing.

After two hours, the professor called for the exams, and the students filed up and handed them in. All except the late student, who continued writing.

1/2 hour later, the last student came up to the professor who was sitting at his desk preparing for his next class. He attempted to put his exam on the stack of exam booklets already there.

"No, you don’t, I’m not going to accept that. It’s late." The student looked incredulous and angry. "Do you know who I am?"

"No, as a matter of fact, I don’t," replied the professor with an air of sarcasm in his voice.

"Do you know who I am?" the student asked again. "No, and I don’t care," replied the professor with an air of superiority.

"Good," replied the student, who quickly lifted the stack of completed exams, stuffed his in the middle, and ran out of the room.

How do you give an "Alabama Girl" a nice compliment?

Answer: You say to her, "Hey, NICE TOOTH!"

Hey guys, it's an alien!

How am I an ableist? My ex-girlfriend was in a wheelchair, and we lived in the same old building with a broken elevator. I ended the relationship by moving to the 8th floor.

A group of Astronauts, a Mechanic, a Pilot, & a Communications operator are on a very important mission to Mars when one of their solar panels gets grazed by a meteorite.

And so the Astronauts quickly assemble in the hull to wait for orders from the ground. Once the Communications operator turned on coms, their man on the ground told the Pilot to continue their course & to send the Mechanic out to fix the problem. As the Mechanic worked on finishing repairing the solar panel, the Pilot & Communications operator told each other dark jokes when out of nowhere a meteorite field appeared! The Ground operator frighteningly shouted "Get him back in the ship!" to the Communications operator. "Chill out, he'll be fine," The Pilot assured him. "Get him the hell out of there, that's an order!" The Ground operator argued. Then thirty seconds later the Communications operator came back from the air shoot & asked, "Now what?"

Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account? They were prime mates.

What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?

When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."