ANS jokes

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed? Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

One day a teacher stands up in front of her class and asks if anyone in the class is an idiot, and says that if there is one, then he/she should stand up.

After a minute, a boy stands up.

The teacher then asks the boy if he actually thinks he's an idiot.

The boy says, "No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."

One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."

What do you call an orphan's family tree? A stump.

Why do some couples make their status "single" after a small argument? Like, I don't put "orphan" after I get into an argument with my family.

If an illegal immigrant fights against a child molester, would that be "Alien vs Predator"?

Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.

My girlfriend broke up with me. She said I was a pedophile. I told her, “PEDOPHILE? Wow, that sure is a big word for an eight-year-old!”

Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

What’s the opposite of an exorcism?

It’s when Satan has to tell the priest to come out of the child.

What's the difference between the Twin Towers and an airplane landing strip? Don't know, neither did my dad.

I got suspended for asking an emo kid if he wants to hang out with me.

You tell an orphan joke to an orphan. You start laughing, they start crying. They say they are going to tell their mom. Then you start laughing harder.

Why can’t an orphan get suspended or expelled from school? Because they need to contact parents.

When Bubba's condom broke, he spent a lot of sleepless nights wondering if he was going to be an uncle or a dad.

What is an orphan's favorite beer?

"Fosters."

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess.

His family is nuts.

His neighbor is an asshole.

His best friend is a pussy.

And his owner beats him.

What do you call an Asian receptionist?

Tai Ping.

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me when he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"