ANS jokes

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.

Why is it that when women decide to kill an unborn baby, it's a "CHOICE," but when I decide to drive my F-150 into a playground full of kids, it's called "MURDER"!

If you kill an emo, Is it an assist kill?

A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind

What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?

Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.

What do you call a fight between an illegal immigrant and a pedophile? Alien vs Predator.

When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school.

At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters

'PNEIS'

and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered 'SPINE' are doctors.

A boy and his mother survived a car crash.

The boy asks his mother, "Was that like how I was born? A hard smash?" The mother replies with "More like an accident."

Never tell an orphan about a family matter; they wouldn't understand.

What do you call an Asian who can't hear?

Wha U Sai

Why can't an orphan be gay?

Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy". (My bad if this offended anyone.)

Tell a dark joke to an orphan, then hit them. They'll get the punchline right away.

How do you trick a Catholic priest into using the glory hole at an adult bookstore? Tell him it is a confessional booth.

One day Little Johnny's class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?" Little Mary says, "The teacher is very intelligent." The teacher asks them, "Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?" Little Suzie says, "They are very fashionable." The teacher says, "Johnny, why don't you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence." Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy 'Darling how does my dictate'"

How do you win an argument against a emo? kick the chair.

Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me, repeating a year.

Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?

Then there is me: My life.

What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don't care if she has one.

What's an orphan's favorite Spiderman movie?

"Spiderman: No Way Home."

Last night, I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!

What’s the difference between an emo and grass? The grass doesn’t cut itself :D