ANS jokes

They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:

Thou shalt not f... altar boys.

What is it called when an orphan takes a family photo?

A selfie.

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

What’s the difference between an apple and a depressed kid? The apple falls from the tree.

Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?

Me: Oh, I wan-

Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.

Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.

Girl: I've been an orphan since I was three.

Boy: Knock knock.

Girl: ...Who's there?

Boy: Not your parents!

What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.

I was raised an only child, which really pissed my brother.

What do you call a virgin in Alabama? An orphan.

I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.

I just found out that there is a racist stereotype about Asians being bad drivers, which isn't true... but if it is, then maybe Pearl Harbor was just an accident.

Ancestry.com is spelled with an “I” in Alabama.

Even a psychopath is sympathetic when an onion self-harms!

Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.

Don't let an extra chromosome get you down.

What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?

You get a milkshake!

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

How do you make an octopus laugh?

You give it ten tickles.

How is spinach like anal sex?

If you were forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.