ANS jokes

Teacher: At the end of this ruler is an idiot.

Student: Which end?

Why can't you fool an aborted fetus? Because it wasn't born yesterday.

They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:

Thou shalt not f... altar boys.

What is it called when an orphan takes a family photo?

A selfie.

Why does a married heterosexual man want an anonymous blowjob at a glory hole inside an adult bookstore?

Because he doesn't want his wife to find out that he got a blowjob from another man.

Q. What's the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid? A. One has a functioning neck.

What’s the difference between an apple and a depressed kid? The apple falls from the tree.

Therapist: What do you want to do when you grow up?

Me: Oh, I wan-

Therapist: Don’t say to be dead.

Me: Well, I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to sell land, pencils, oh yeah. I also want to sell farm.

What do you get when you have an annoying kid, a homicidal kid, and a suicidal kid in the same room? A happy ending.

Girl: I've been an orphan since I was three.

Boy: Knock knock.

Girl: ...Who's there?

Boy: Not your parents!

Ancestry.com is spelled with an “I” in Alabama.

Never buy an epileptic kid light-up Sketchers.

How do you blindfold an Asian?

With dental floss.

If you're ever bored, try scaring the sh*t out of an Asian to see their eyes open for the first time.

What do you call a virgin in Alabama? An orphan.

I was raised an only child, which really pissed my brother.

What can an Olympic runner do that Hitler can't?

Finish a race.

I wanted to tell an animal joke but it's irrelephant.

I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.

We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.

When an emo kid jumps out of a tree, what happens when he hits the ground?

Nothin' much, he just flops over an hour later when they untie the rope.