ANS jokes

I saw an ISIS video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."

What flour do you give an orphan?

Self-raising.

Why was the orphan's first phone an iPhone X? Because it didn't have a home button.

What type of cookie has an orphan never had? Homemade cookies.

There is an upside to being an orphan. Every bag of chips is family size.

What game does an emo hate the most?

Cut the Rope.

What show does an orphan hate?

Family Guy.

Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?

Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?

Me: It's an autobiography.

What do you call an orphan's family reunion? "Me time."

What do you call an emo strip club?

Suicidal Thots.

"You're da bomb!" "No, you're da bomb!"

In America, a compliment. In the Middle East, an argument.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie talkie? Stephen can't walkie and Stephen can't talkie.

Is depression an emotion or a state of mind? I call it a lifestyle.

Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.

What type of flour do you buy an orphan? Self-raising.

If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?

Well, at least one gets picked.

An old teacher asked her student, "If I say, 'I am beautiful,' which tense is that?" The student replied, "It is obviously past."

I can measure the speed of an object, because I want to km/s.

My girlfriend's dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one.

It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, "What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"