Animal Husbandry jokes
What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?
De-calf-inated.
What is the worst part of milking a cow?
The smell of the dairy air.
The guy who discovered milk... What did he do with the cow?!
Q. What do they call an ISIS terrorist who owns both a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.
What do you call an Iraqi who owns a camel and a goat?
Bisexual.
Old Mother Riley, had a fat cow.
She milked it and milked it but didn't know how, she pulled his tail, pulled his tits. Old Mother Riley was covered in sh!t.
What do you get when you cross a cow with a coffee bean grower?
De-calf!
What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin' off.
When a baby was born to a slave, did the slave owners hang a "Bred in Captivity" sign above the crib?
How do you think they found out cows produce milk?
Two kids having fun in the barn.
I had a calf for a while. The milk was bad until we bought a heifer.
What is the difference between 9/11 and a cow?
You stop milking a cow after 15 years.
Farmer: Phew! I got all the eggs from the chickens!
Farmer #2: EGGcellent!
There are five cows on a farm, one mamma cow and four baby calves. The first baby walks up to the mom and asks, "Momma, why is my name Rose?" The mommy cow replies, "Well honey, a rose petal fell on your head when you were born." The next calf comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Lily?" The mother replies, "Because honey, a lily petal fell on your head when you were born." The third baby comes up and asks, "Momma, why is my name Daisy?" The momma cow again replieds, "Well, when you were born a daisy petal fell on your head." The final baby walks over and says, "Huh Ruh Buh Duh!" The momma cow says, "Shut up, Cinderblock!"
Teacher: What does the pig give us? Student: Bacon.
Teacher: Very good. How about the chicken? Student: Meat.
Teacher: Good, now what would a fat cow give you? Student: Homework.
Child: *drinking milk*
Farmer: Hey, what are you doing?
Child: Oh, I just milked one of your cows.
Farmer: We don't have any cows, we only have bulls.
Child: *realizes*
What do five dicks sticking out of glory holes and five udders both have in common? They are ready for milking.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? -- Because they lactose.