And jokes

You have two brain cells; one is lost, and the other is out looking for it.

What do you call someone with no nose and no body?

Nobody knows.

My friend: Hey, why are you always smiling?

Me: 'Cause life is a joke and we’re all slacking it off.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To eat Bob's arms.

Bob went to hospital and had no arms.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Not Bob.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What do the Twin Towers and my ex have in common?

They both fell on my dad.

I am not telling you twice, your mouth stinks, so go burn your house down like a crazy mad woman, and I will call the cops like, "WTH," because you are so fat.

I gave my sister a compliment and said she's pretty, then while she was saying thanks, I said, "pretty ugly."

Me: You are pretty. Her: Thanks. Me: Pretty ugly.

Charlene's hairline was so far back that she was practically bald and fat.

FNF: Beep bop.

Parappa: Cook those burgers and believe!

"Chelsea is the most consistent team.

One win in August, one win in September, and one win in October; it's just like a menstrual cycle.

If they don't win in November, just know that they're pregnant." 😅

What's the difference between cotton and an orphan?

Cotton gets picked.

1, 2, 3, A, B, C, D, and there's a D in it and there's also a 3. That's how long your D is!

I met Lebron James, and he was so bald at the time that I could count his hairs.

And that's 1 hair and maybe 2.

Two people stood in one room. The first guy stared at the second.

First guy: “Sorry I had to punch you. It was a game, bro.”

Second guy: “Between me and you talking, there’s almost no PUNCH line. Hah!”

We were watching a 9/11 documentary in class.

I started playing the Angry Birds theme song. That didn't fly well with people, the teacher yelled at me like a bomb, and I landed on the ground.

Your eyebrows and hairline are so far apart that when Dora the Explorer went and found your hairline and was trying to find your eyebrows, the map couldn't even tell her.

The mom and dad left the child because they were famous and rich, like rich monkeys.

You're just big and good.

When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."