And jokes

I asked my mom if I could be Wednesday (from the Addams family). She said no. She said I would look creepy and weird. She said I HAVE TO BE SOMETHING CUTE. The outfit looked ridiculous. Everyone else looked spooky except for me ;-;.

God promised John that if he came in 1st, he would get an eternal life, but instead he came in 5th and got a kettle!

I see all these 9/11 jokes, and I’m disgusted. I personally won’t make a 9/11 joke because they have a tendency to crash and burn.

My friend asked for something dark and creamy. I said..... "GU KHA".

What type of clock is both cringe and an app?

TikTok.

9 months before I was born,

I went to a party with my dad and left with my mom.

I miss seeing my friends and teachers.

Which room has no doors and no windows?

Should be good night and walk walk home.

Love is in the air...

Wrong! Nitrogen, Oxygen, and Carbon Dioxide are in the air!

How do you communicate to the dead?

Jump up and down on the ground and speak in Morse code!

What is the difference between an egg and you? An egg gets laid, and you don't.

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

Squirrel: I got a joke.

Dog: What the hell is it?

Squirrel: I clicked my nuts and clicked my poop.

What's the difference between you and the internet? People want a connection from the internet.

The coach yelled at me when I stole home. I ran home with the base and asked him where to put it.

The bright side of this pandemic is now both my hands look equally chapped and raw.

Police: Hey man, look at this! *throws cocaine at fan and it flew back into his face* Me: Are you okay? Police: Looks like I "crack"ed the case.

One day I was at church. I had to sit down. I said, "Who in the world stinks?" I looked down. Turns out it was me, and this is not a joke, but funny.

What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Honda? Just the Honda.