And jokes

"Since 7 8 9, why was 10 scared? Because it was in between 9 and 1."

Why are hindustan bhai so good at Python?

When they are hungry, they use Python and take credit card information ;). You know what they say, you give a man a curry and he eats for a day, you give a man a language and he eats for a lifetime.

Why was Josef Vasicek a Stanley Cup champion in 2006?

Because you know who was jealous and he went down in 2020.

A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road.”

What are the similarities of an orphan and a water fountain?

They both sprout water.

Are you a rope? Let's hang out by a tree and drink :)

What does every arsehole and Tory have in common?

They all produce horrible shit.

What's the difference between boogers and broccoli?

Kids won't eat the broccoli.

What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?

Drumsticks for everyone!

And to the parents of the lost boy named Timmy, we have found him, and now is your chance to make your escape. He really is a little shit, isn't he?

When I give you the signal, I want you to roll down your window and call the oncoming cyclist a prick.

What's the difference between hungry and horny? Where you stick the cucumber.

Q: My dad woke up one morning about to go to work, but he was still really tired, so he decided the quickest way to wake him up was to slap him in the face.

So he asked me to do it, but I guess I don't know my own strength, and so he went back to sleep again...

An emo and a leaf fall from a tree, which hits the ground first?

The leaf, because the emo got caught by the rope.

One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"

I can change a "t" into a "p," just drink it and wait a few hours.

Where does Kristen Stewart get her virginity from? She gets it from her mama and papa.

I just got off the phone with Kristen Stewart yesterday. She said I was invited to her cookout this Friday. I said I'll come by and bring some drinks, like wine, beer, and liquor, so we can get our freak on all night and drink some cherry wine until daybreak ends.

I told my sister that when you go to bed with an itchy butt, you're going to have smelly fingers in the morning, and I've never heard her laugh so hard in my life.

I got to work.

Ben: Oh no, my boss is here. I hate my job and I'm terrified of my boss.

Ben: Uh, hey, hey Mr. Boss.

Boss: Have a nice day.

Ben: Ok, bye!

Boss:??