And jokes

What's the difference between a God and my mom?

My mom exists. I mean... she did at one point! Unlike any "Gods."

What's the difference between you and your sister?

Your dad.

Why did the orphan cross the road and stop in a lane? To get run over.

My Emo friend was coming over to my house. When he got there, he said, "Got a rope?" I asked why, and he said, "I want to make a swing."

Anyone want a free pizza? Because you liking a pizza with toppings that not many people enjoy allows you to eat the entire guilt free pizza, that they said they didn't want and everyone already offered you a slice of.

Luca’s Mom and Dad be throwing the kids into the fountain in the city, but they're sea monsters, so if they went to jail for that, they would be on death row anyway. 🤣

What can you say about that homeless man's life and current status?

Wasted.

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

QoS.

QoS who?

QoS there me me who me and you.

One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"

What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?

I don’t turn on a light switch.

Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.

What's the difference between me and the rest of America?

I love one and hate the other.

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and give her it so she can bleed more.

I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said, "Never mind."

It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.

I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.

"Bugger off!" he shouted back.

"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

A boy couldn't walk normally because his pants were huge, and when he went to school, the people there made so many jokes about him that he died.

IT'S NOT TRUE, JUST A FAKE JOKE, DON'T WORRY!

Your mom was so fat that she couldn't have a man and couldn't go through the door.

I'M JOKING, DON'T GET MAD!