And jokes

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apples get picked.

What did Osama have?

Two Boeings and a dream.

What's the difference between bounties and orphans?

The bounty is wanted.

I sat down and reminisced about the past. I remembered all the people I've lost along the way.

Maybe becoming a tour guide wasn't a good idea.

If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!

The amputee: -_-

Your hairline's so bad, your dad went to get the milk and never came back. Years later, he comes back and says, "Go get a hairline, boy."

What do you call a helicopter, elephant, and rhino?

Hellephino (Hell if I know)

Jonny went to Disney and they had sour balls. He asked the cashier for some and he pulled down his pants.

What does an apple and an orphan have in common?

One gets picked.

I'm shidding. Still babies are still coming and going.

A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.

He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.

He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there's a knock at the door.

He opens it and sees the same snail.

The snail says, "What was that all about?"

What does a blind man and a PS4 have in common?

They both need to make sounds to be recognized.

One day I went to talk to my friend.

"Hi John!" I said.

No response.

"Oh, yeah."

I went to pick up the remote and clicked the unmute button.

"Hope that helps!"

What's the difference between a blind man and a window?

The window can see through itself.

I went to the orphanage and shot everyone in there. It's not like anyone will attend their funeral.

My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?

Why did Anakin Skywalker cross the road?

To get the milk and to get to the dark side.

I’m going back to the house to get some stuff for my dad, and then I’m going to have a car and a birthday party come up for the weekend at the end of the week. I was going to get my birthday cake for the day.

What does Joyce do on a Saturday night?

Netflix and Will? Will? WILL!? WIIIILLLL?

Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."