And jokes
What sits on the seabed and has anxiety? A nervous wreck.
Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.
Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
If you can make a woman laugh, you're almost there.
If you're almost there and then she laughs, then you've got a whole different problem on your hands.
Memes
Why can’t U.S.A or England play chess?
Because the U.S.A has no towers, and England doesn’t have a queen.
What two fights can Africa never win?
A food fight and a water fight.
how old are my girlfriends
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjBTsoYph48 oh and there my little sisters
Why do men find it so difficult to solve puzzles after taking Viagra?
Because they just keep getting harder and harder!
What does cake and baseball have in common?
They both need a batter.
Yo mama's so fat, she was overthrown by a small militia group, and now she's known as the Republic of Yo Mama.
How do you disappoint people in Africa?
Send a message saying that you’re going to send trucks full of food, water, and clothing.
But don’t follow through and send the trucks empty.
What’s the difference between erotic and kinky?
Erotic is usually a feather. Kinky is using the whole chicken.
What's the difference between me and a knife?
One has a point, and the other doesn't.
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
What’s the difference between God and Hitler?
God made thousands of bread, Hitler made thousands of toast.
What do asses and secrets have in common?
Both are better when not leaked!
Do you want to give your life to God and be in Heaven?
If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:
So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.
"Talking about childhood habits, my friend told me he still collects coins and post stamps and all. He asked me, I said - breastfeeding."