And jokes
What's the difference between a child and a cancer diagnosis? At least the cancer grows up and leaves eventually.
POV: You keep having auditory hallucinations and fully believe your house is haunted because you never went and got diagnosed for schizophrenia.
Jesus walks into a motel, puts three nails on the counter, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"
When I was doing ju jitsu at my neighbor's cat, I accidentally created a whirlpool and then ate a mango mustard bar.
It is September. What's the difference between a stage four colon cancer patient and Santa Claus? Santa is coming for Christmas!
Memes
My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"
What do you call a guy with no body and nose?
No body nose
Why was 10 scared? Because it was scared of 9/11. And why did I have to take a fall? I have nothing to do with the big II.
What do Israel and Epstein have in common?
"Look at that, time to blow up some kids."
When a woman is something weeks or months pregnant and her stomach has a visible bump, everyone rubs her tummy, but no one tickles the husband's balls and says, "Good job, buddy!"
When you are trying to write a speech about Columbus, don't make a joke that he was on a seafood diet because the audience might think you and Columbus were fat. You know, 'see food, eat everything.'
I was going to charge my phone, so I pulled a plug and put it in. Then, my grandpa wasn't breathing anymore.
What's the difference between Christian theocrats and Islamic fundamentalists?
Presentation.
Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.
Why did Playboi Carti’s partner complain about their love life? Because he kept repeating the same track and never reached the climax.
What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A submarine.
What’s the difference between anal and oral sex? Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak.
Why are people born in December, January, and February easy to get along with?
They're cool and chill.
Do you ever look at someone and think, "You must have been conceived at a family reunion"?
Q. What do Canadian women and Canadian beer have in common? A. They're both stronger than they look.