And jokes
What is the difference between a blond and a Nazi?
The blond survived.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar...
"GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts, "We don't serve your type!"
The earth is not round.
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A blind guy and his seeing eye dog walk into a bar.
The blind guy starts swinging the dog around on the leash.
The bartender yells, "Sir, stop! What are you doing!?"
The blind guy says, "I'm just looking around."
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your way into someone's pants.
Memes
It's weird how Stephen Hawking's last name sounds like "walking and talking," but he could not do either of those!
What is black and at the top of the stairs?
Stephen Hawking's after a fire.
A father and son duo are sitting at a table, eating breakfast. The father looks at the child and says, "I'm hungry." The child looks at the father and replies, "Hi Hungry, I'm Son." The father calls his father and asks why he was named Hungry.
How are shark eggs and your mom the same? They're both the biggest thing ever laid.
What's black and white and red all over? A penguin that's just been raped.
What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.
He told me that he was in a wheelchair, and I asked, "Oh, wheely?"
What's red, white, and blue and crawls up your leg?
A homesick abortion.
What's the same about dark humor and kids with cancer?
They never get old.
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.
My "overweight" friend and I were talking at lunch.
Overweight friend: Man, why you so ugly, dude?
Me: *annoyed* Jason, when you stepped on the scale this morning, it asked for your weight, not your phone number.
The moment when you tell an illegal immigrant to go home and he walks to the jail cell and closes it.
What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?
A ham sandwich.
What's the difference between a Lambo and 100 dead babies?
I don't have a Lambo in my garage.
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.