And jokes
This guy came into my library a year ago and borrowed a book named "How to Commit Suicide." He never returned it.
Yo mama so fat that she had to wear a yellow jacket and everyone shouted, "Taxi!"
There’s a woman cutting onions when her husband walks in and starts crying. Onions was a good dog.
What's the difference between parents and a boomerang?
The boomerang comes back from the store with milk.
This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."
Memes
I gave a gun to a blind person and told them it was a hair dryer.
How do you get a hippy pregnant?
Cum on her feet and let the flies do the rest.
What's pink, red, and silver and bumps into walls?
A baby with forks in its eyes.
What do you get when you mix a 737 and 767?
A 797.
What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?
If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.
6, 7, and 8 are all scared of 10, but 10 is also scared. Why was 10 scared?
Because it was stuck between 9 and 11.
Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?
They ordered pepperoni and got ✈️.
If you are a bully at a school, when you get home, find an orphan and beat them up!
What are they going to do? Tell the orphan lady to tell you to stop? 😆😝
Why did Dairy Queen and Burger King get arrested for copyright infringement? Because they gave birth to Five Guys.
Nina, you better run to hell. You're going there anyway!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You don't be mean to Alex!!!!!!!!!!! He is sweet, kind, loving, and protective!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Looking for true love. Must be into fun, likes to go out driving, playing the latest catching game and most importantly, must love kids. (PEADOPHILES MUST APPLY WITH HOW MANY KIDS YOU CAN CARRY!)
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
"Jordan, motherfucker, your face looks like a slut, and your life is trash. Stop picking on kids and LEAVE THEM HELL ALONE!"
What do you call a guy at your doorstep with no arms and no legs?
Matt!
I just wanna say thanks to everyone who favorited my jokes and commented! Thanks!