And jokes

What's the similarity between an orphan and my dick?

They both will die alone.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the kings horses and all the kings men, said "Fuck him, he's only an egg."

Last post for today, but I had to say one more thing! Tomorrow I am going to Six Flags, and I am literally so excited! It is going to be so much fun. Hope you guys have a good MLK JR. day! Woohooo!

Yo mama's so stupid, when thieves broke into her house and stole the TV, she chased after them shouting, "Wait, you forgot the remote!"

Yo mama's so stupid, she got locked in the grocery store and starved to death.

Why are the Twin Towers mad?

They are like pepperoni and cheese as a plane.

A priest, a rabbi, and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, “Is this some kind of joke?”

Two antennas met on a roof and got married.

The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was incredible.

Why do emos cut themselves?

To play noughts and crosses.

OK, OK, what's up with the fake Gwens? I am going to use a test to see who is real or not.

The real Gwen will know this. When did I come onto this website? Next question, what is my real name, and do I go on cursing rampages? Only the real Gwen can complete this test with the right answers.

Q: What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?

A: One of them gets picked.

What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?

Jose and Hose B.

Why can't Michael Jackson play baseball?

He made a hit and run!

How many letters are in the English Alphabet?

Twenty-two. ET went home, P ran down his leg, and he took ME with him.

I was checking my shoe in my dad's wallet, and he slapped me. What exactly did I do to warrant the slap?

I was walking down the streets with my parents and my sister. My mum said, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back." I stepped on a crack. My sister has been in the hospital ever since.

What does a baby and a grenade have in common?

They both make a noise when you throw them.

I just wanna say thanks to everyone who favorited my jokes and commented! Thanks!

My mom is in the FBI. My dad is in the FBI. My sister is in the FBI. My brother is in the FBI. And do you know what I am?

Divorced.

When you ask your friend, "Can I hear a joke?"

"Sure."

"What do orphans and orange peels have the same?"

"What?"

"They both get thrown out."