And jokes

What's big and black?

My balls.

Ol' Mate Shane Warne has sadly passed away. He was probably Australia's Greatest Ever Cricketer. RIP Ol' Mate Warney, died doing what you loved, having gay sex with men and doing cocaine! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Like if you RIP Shane Warne 🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺🇦🇺

I would like to thank my favorite President Barack Obama. Sorry, Barack Obama and my uncle Obama bin Laden. I mean Osama bin Laden. Sorry, hummus in my throat.

Have you heard about the blind man who saw the accident and the dead man who heard it?

What has 10 wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.

You and me went up to stab your father. He was out, do not pout. They are coming after.

When the school shooter gives the autistic kid a glock and he shoots himself, thinking it’s a cigarette.

I have a friend who recently stopped smoking, and the withdrawal was causing hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend: "I see a dreamer over there by the water!"

If someone has a gun and tries to shoot you, just say, “Hipity hoppity, that gun is my property.”

What is black and white and red all over?

An interracial abortion.

Today sucked. My friend fell off a cliff, and I went to jail.

What’s the difference between me and a bakery shop? The bakery shop has cake! 😞🎂

Archer riddle has less atoms in his brain than he does in his dick, and his dick is 1/4 of a millimeter.

I remember having a crush on my math teacher, so I winked at her and said, "Don't worry, babe, I'll call you later."

What do you get when you cross the terms homeless and abandoned?

POORphan

Say "lettuce" and spell "cup."

Walked into a bar the other day and a group of sailors were being loud and shouting about all the women they have in port that had given them gonorrhea...

Bloody seamen.

Fail and fall mean the same thing when it’s downstairs.

What's wrong with 89?

You blow me and I owe you one.