And jokes

So, my friend's birthday is in a couple of days, and I was wondering what to get him.

He hangs out at my house a lot, so I suggested adoption papers.

What’s black and sits on top of the stairs?

Christopher Reeves in a house fire.

What’s the difference between being a genius and being an idiot?

Being a genius has its limits.

What does grass and Rachel Sutherland’s wrists have in common: nothing, they both get cut.

My wife left me and took the kids.

Bank owner: If you want to start a bank account, I need your name.

Guy: Robin

Bank owner: Your last name?

Guy: Debank

Bank owner: Robin Debank?

Guy: Put your hands up and give me all the money!

I saw a sign that said, "Falling Rocks." I tried it, and it doesn't.

You wonder and you wonder. Grandma said you better go to bed now. Tell your dad and grandpa, and your dad and your mom.

My grandpa said I'm too reliant on technology... so I screamed that he was a hypocrite and I unplugged his life support.

My step bro thought I was single and tried to take me, but I said, "I'm take." And guess what he did? He cried.

Why? Why would you do that?

I was taking a walk near the prison when I saw a good looking guy climbing down the fence, and when he noticed me, he gave me a sneer! It was pretty condescending.

What's the difference between a baby and a cooked chicken?

Several hundred calories.

POV them: What's one move to get a man motivated in bed?

Her: All you gotta give is that hawk tuah and spit on that thang, you get me?

What did they find in Paul Walker's glovebox?

His head and shoulders.

Hey everyone, I'm back because I'm sinking back towards depression because my sister is really being a bitch, and my parents always side with her, and the stress over online school is just getting overwhelming, and I'm seriously considering hanging myself to end it all because the pain is just... terrible, and I feel like I'm not worth life.

This disabled kid walked up to me, so I asked what disease he had. He said, "Lima." So I said, "Come again?" And he said, "Lima nuts." And I asked if that was a fruit, and he said, "No, I'm a vegetable."

*Me walking into the nail salon* Hi, I'm here for my 3:45 appointment.

*Nail tech:* Ok, sweety, come and sit down.

*Me sits down in the chair*

*Nail tech:* You want long nail, short nail? Um, long nail. You want boyfriend?!! Yes, ma'am. Ok, let me work magic. Ok.

*gives me short nail* Bro, I asked for long nail, but you said BF, but u look lesbian.

*walks out without paying*

*Nail tech gives money to a customer* There u win.

*customer:* I told u she would.

The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.

When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.

She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."

💔 The Broken Family 💔 . Part 1

Girl: Mom, dad tried to have sex with me last night.

Mom: Are you serious?? (Shocked)

Girl: Yah. He said I must kiss him after he didn't want to let me go.

Mom: Am gonna kill ur dad (Angry)

Girl: Please mom, we still need him, who will buy use food and clothes. You don't have a job mom.

Mom: But what he did was wrong.

Girl: I know.

(SOUND OF A CAR COMING IN)

Mom: Is that ur dad.

Girl: Yes Mom

Comment Part 2

I am only here because me no like Blues Clues LGBTQ episode as I don’t believe in that. If you do, ok.

And it shouldn’t be a month, the month should be for all of the war veterans, it should be a day for pride. Companies only use this month for money; it’s exploitation because they don’t truly support, unlike me, in which I don’t support it.