And jokes
What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?
A bowling ball doesn't cry when you put your fingers in it.
What do you get when you mix a grizzly bear and milk? Mauled.
What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?
I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.
What is the difference between a hipster and a hockey player?
A hockey player showers.
I wrote a book called "Endless Love."
It’s about a tennis match between Stevie Wonder and Hellen Keller.
Memes
My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.
What do alcoholics and gas prices have in common?
They both get really high.
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
What did Jessiey do?
Jump and make a explosionnnnnnnn, heyyyy gas!
The north and south towers got into an argument.
The south tower said, "We will talk about this when we are on the ground."
What's the similarities between anonymous and a cow? I think you know...
Why can't you be gay and in a wheelchair?
Because you can't be a fruit and a vegetable at the same time.
What do a blind kid and an orphan have in common?
They can’t see their parents.
My biology teacher told us "get out nice and sharp colored pencils." Does she mean as sharp as in the blades I use to cut myself?
How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?
They gave her a cheese grater and told her it was a book.
What is the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist?
The word "art."
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie?
He can’t walkie or talkie.
What is the difference between your dad and a video game?
Your dad doesn’t beat you.
What does a pregnant slave and a "pay less" sale have in common?
Buy one, get one free.
How long does it take a black woman to take out the trash?
About nine months and a day.