And jokes
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh f-i-s-h (and the eye).
What do Marie Antoinette and 2005-2012 Korn have in common?
They're both Headless.
What's the difference between a baby and a Dorito?
One is a tasty snack, the other is a Dorito.
"Don't sneeze!"
Every time I was in the bathroom with my friends, I would always tell them, "Don't sneeze!" and when I did, they just laughed so hard. And when we sneezed, we laughed even harder.
Also,
"It dangles and swung!"
Language art quizzes are the best.
Roses are red, chocolate is brown,
I expect nothing and still get let down!
Memes
The doe comes out of the woods, shakes herself, and says,
"I can't believe I did that for 2 bucks!"
What's the funniest thing about being ringside at a UFC fight?
When you look around and all of the spectators are wearing white gowns and fuzzy socks, and you realize you aren't at a UFC event, you're watching your fellow patients fight to the death at a psychiatric facility.
Believe in unicorns, and they'll believe in you!
I like plants, but then I decided to turn over a new leaf and branch out.
This guy goes to the doctor and says, “I think I’m a wigwam, no, I think I’m a teepee, no, I must be a wigwam, no, a teepee.”
The doctor tells him, “I think I understand your problem. You’re two tents.”
Someone handed me a knife the other day and told me that it was very smart.
I made sure it didn't outsmart me.
I wonder why the plane got bigger and bigger, then it hit me.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
What's the difference between the Grand Canyon and a blonde?
The Grand Canyon is a busy ditch.
What do royals and hot dogs have in common?
They're usually in bread.
You could say ancient Egyptians and JDM car fans are alike--they both worship Datsun.
To spite Santa and Greta Thunberg, I'm burning the coal I got for Christmas.
He: I'm Nike, and you're McDonalds.
She: Why?
He: 'Cause I'm doing it, and you're loving it. :)
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.
If I was a cow and could dance, I'd bust some moooooves while I uddered some lyrics!