And jokes

What do a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don’t care if she has one.

The bell rings, and Ana was about to leave, but the teacher said, "The bell doesn't dismiss you, I do."

The next day, Ana was late, and the teacher asked, "Why are you late?" Ana replied with, "The bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive, I do."

What am I if my neck is covered in red bumps, my ears are the size of a giant corn cob, my skin is ruby red, my eyes are bloodshot, I have green skin, and fur growing all over my body? Horribly ugly.

What do you get when you have a class of kids and a speeding car?

A 24 killstreak!

A man got pulled over, and the policeman had stepped out and said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

The man said, "I was trying to catch up with the traffic."

The officer said, "There is no traffic."

The man said, "Exactly, that’s how far behind I am!"

Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.

Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.

That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.

What makes jokes because it's lonely and a complete and utter loser?

This guy, yep, this guy right here.

How did my dad know I was gay?

He stuck his cock in me and I liked it.

I can't believe what just happened. I was at the bowling alley having a great time with my girlfriend when suddenly a man took all of our bowling pins! I asked him why and he said he needed more tapins to keep his career relevant. I instantly realized it was Penaldo!

What's sticky and brown? A stick!

What's the difference between a pregnant one and a light bulb?

One you can unscrew.

For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.

What’s black and long?

The Chick-fil-A line.

What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?

The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.

What's white and sticky?

Toothpaste.

How do you make a body disappear?

You use an axe, black plastic bags, a forest, a shovel, and some ice cream because killing someone and chopping them up and digging holes in the ground and putting dirt over them is a lot of hard work!

P.S., I'm joking and don't condone these actions.

What has 4 legs and two gloves?

All five people on my baseball team. ⚾️

You say Alex Jones, I say Alex moans mmmmm. I like that fat, tasty big boy and his Rolex watches, mummy, he turns me on!

"White beta males and fake alpha males are a joke that goes for POC men too."