And jokes

At what point does a joke become a dad joke?

When it disappears and never returns home.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into the school fire and said, "Hot wheels!"

Do you know that “I’m sorry” and “I apologize” usually mean the same thing?

Except at a funeral.

What’s the difference between depression and your ex?

Depression fucks you harder.

What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?

Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”

What does a nearsighted gynaecologist and a puppy have in common?

Wet noses.

If you don’t know the difference between their, there, and they’re, then you're an idiot.

What do a blind kid and an orphan have in common?

They can’t see their parents.

I just encountered a father and son moment over some milk.

The dad finally came back with the milk!

Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.

Yesterday I purchased a world map and told my wife to throw a dart, and wherever it lands, I will take her. Turns out we're spending three weeks behind the fridge.

What is the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist?

The word "art."

What is the difference between your dad and a video game?

Your dad doesn’t beat you.

Why the hell would I go to a shooting range when I could go to school and do it for free?

How do you know Adam and Eve were white?

Have you ever tried taking a rib from black women?

What’s the difference between a fly and Lady Diana?

The sound when they hit the windshield.

What is the difference between a black man and Jew?

One was born burnt.

What word starts with n and ends with r and you wouldn’t wanna call a Black person?

You really thought n****r, didn't you?

What's the similarity between Christmas stuffing and my penis?

I like them both inside dead animals, because alive animals feel too much like men, and then I'd cum too quick.

What does the SpongeBob intro and a pedophile have in common?

"Are you ready kids?"